Donk. "Ouch." "Suitable expletive..." Camper Van Escapades 2026 - Part II
A daily diary of our travels in Denmark, Germany, Belgium, France, and mostly the UK in May and June 2026 to bore everyone rigid! Well, hopefully not...
Please note - all the photos included in this post are my own. And apologies to those who are weird kind enough to enjoy my voiceovers as logistics mean that I can’t include one today - perhaps I can add it when we get home in a couple of weeks.
As some of you know we took possession of a two year old motorhome back in the spring of 2025 - the idea popped up on a Friday night and by Monday night we’d bought it. But are we camper van people? We’re not sure yet. Should we have thought about that before we shelled out a small fortune to buy a van? Most probably!
We’re now two weeks into our travels on this years camper van escapade - across Europe, around the UK, and back through Europe to Denmark.
I’m posting a note a day with pictures of places we go and things we do. But for those of you who don’t tend to look at ‘notes’ here on Substack I thought that I’d bring them together for easy reading in weekly posts. You’ll find links to each note if you scroll down further in this post.
This trip is crunch time for us to decide if we keep the van or if it’s not for us and time to sell it. So while we’ve been travelling we’ve been putting a list of the good things about having a camper van and the not so good things - some more serious than others!
Reasons why having a camper van is cool...
NUMBER 1 by a mile is the fact that when we travel by van our little dog, Evie (a papillon / chihuahua mix), can travel with us. It hurts our hearts to leave her at home in boarding kennels and it gives us so much joy to have this daft, funny, adorable little soul with us.
It’s a simpler, slower life - there’s time to breathe. With the size of the van you can’t both do anything at the same time. So you have to take a beat. Washing up has to be done by hand - there’s no dumping stuff in the dishwasher. And if you’ve got a lot to do you may have to walk to the washing up station at a site which could be 400m away - think of all those steps you’re getting in and calories you’re burning!
It can be a cheaper option for overnight stays - who can get a good hotel in the centre of a city for €23?! In other places you can park for free overnight or pay as little as £12 to park overlooking amazing places, like Bamburgh Castle. And I know, I’m trying not to mention the extortionate diesel prices that we have to deal with right now…
You can lose weight - that poorly insulated box called a van can turn into a fantastic sauna when the weather is hot so that you can lose kilos by dripping with sweat while you sleep!
You’ll definitely see places and things that you wouldn’t otherwise: we went to sleep to the sound of hooting owls; saw more bunnies in a week than I’ve seen in my entire life put together; and caught sight of red kites, herons, and a snowy owl, all in flight. We got to enjoy deserted beaches and immerse ourselves in nature.
The mini bar is very reasonably priced and filled with your favorites - need I say more? What else could you want? You pick what you want to put in the van. Plus you’re travelling with a fridge that runs 24/7 and is clever enough to swap between gas and electricity depending on whether you have the van plugged in or not.
Traffic jams have whole new positive connotation - you can hop up for a bathroom break, make a cup of tea, give the dog a cuddle in her car seat, or grab a snack. It might all be a little bit illegal, but as long as you’re not the driver what the heck.
It’s your own (comfy) bed on wheels - no more uncertainty of what you’re going to get at a hotel, a friends house, or whatever relatives home. No more lumpy, or overly hard, or way too soft, or far too small for two, beds. Nor sheets that are related to sandpaper or duvets that smell a little funky. Just your own bed that feels and smells like home.
There are adjustable arm rests on the drivers seat and passenger seat - need I say more?! Sometimes it’s the small things.
Your creativity gets a work out - there are so many little things about van life that force you to find creative solutions. We love tea (me) and coffee (Kim) in bed in the morning, but around the bed are little cubby holes that are very difficult to wiggle a mug into without pouring whatever the hot drink is all over yourself and the bed. Enter a cheap £4 melamine (or the like) tray from Tesco, other supermarkets are available (!), which sits perfectly on the separate central section of our mattress and acts as a table for our morning mugs. Solution found.
No more adaptors for your plugs on a gazillion gadgets - all the sockets in the van are the same as whatever type you have at home. No more 2 pin to 3 pin or 3 pin to 2 pin. Only the electricity cable that you plug into the mains connection wherever you are needs an adaptor for the relevant country where you’re touring. And for goodness sake don’t forget that one!
And there’s no getting away from it, you can plan all you like, but when you’re in a van you never know what the hell is going to happen next! We are learning to quite like that.
And when you get home… your house suddenly feels luxuriously gigantic. All that space! And a proper toilet that doesn’t involve you standing in the shower to be able to sit on it.
Reasons why having a camper van is a bloody pain...
The van is a very small space for two adults, especially when one is ‘Viking’ size and I’m not exactly petite myself! You can’t help but bang into things. I have the bruises to prove it. “Donk. Ouch. Suitable expletive.” is our catch phrase when living in the van.
A van is a complicated piece of kit, especially at first, and there are a lot of bits to go wrong and worry about besides an engine. A leaking water tank. A fridge on the fritz. A solar panel electricity inverter that has a mysterious fit multiple times a day beeping away when driving claiming the leisure batteries are empty - when they’re not. A water heater that starts dripping water every time you turn it on. Etc. Etc. You have to use the creativity, that I just mentioned, to find short term solutions when you’re travelling and have a good van repair guy on speed dial.
You have zero control over who pitches up and parks next to you, sometimes within a few feet of your van, unless you happen to be travelling with buddies in another van. You may get a smoker who lights up every 15 minutes outside his van when the wind is blowing perfectly your way. You may get a music fan who is incapable of keeping his preferences to himself. Or maybe a loud snorer next door when it’s hot and you need every window open to sleep. Ear plugs are a must.
Especially in Europe you’ll see people in states you might prefer not to see. A woman walking her dog at 6am in nothing more than her T-shirt and knickers. A guy drinking his morning coffee in his boxers, outside his van, hair standing on end. And in Germany you’ll definitely see more people wandering around a site in their underwear than you’ll ever imagine. But weirdly every single one of them will give you a nod and say good morning!
There’s no two ways about it, van life is likely to be more grubby than living in a house where it’s easier to keep things clean and tidy. Plus it’s harder to keep to any sort of routine when you’re moving around to different places. You’ll likely not shower at the same time each day. Some days you might not shower at all and it’s a ‘trucker wash’ i.e. deodorant and a fresh T-shirt. You’re forced to go with the flow, like it or not.
And then there’s the toilet roll. Forget the thick, cushioned, soft, high quality one you might have at home. In a van you have a chemical toilet. So the toilet roll has to be easily dissolvable. It’s paper thin - almost translucent. Fragile. Expensive. And it’s an acquired art to do any kind of wipe without it disintegrating in your hand. I’ll say no more… and there’s no nudge, nudge, wink, wink!
A van is not a hotel and there’s no room service to call. Well, I say that but I’m lucky enough to at least get ‘tea in bed’ service most mornings and dinner cooked by my personal chef, so I can’t complain. I mean Kim before anyone wonders if we’re rolling in it!
And of course there’s no maid - if you want fresh sheets then you have to change them yourself. And changing the beds in a camper van is not so easy. If you’ve tried making up bunk beds you’ll have some idea of the confined spaces and the finger-squeezing potential!
That’s our list for now. Do you have a camper van or have you stayed in one in the past? What do you think are the pros and cons?
Below you’ll find an outline of each day and a link to each original note that outlines what we’ve been up to. I’d love it if you’d add a like and a comment on the notes themselves. Thanks in advance!
Day 8 - May 29, 2026 - Wheathampstead to St. Ives, Cambridgeshire (95km)
Day 9 - May 30, 2026 - St. Ives to Ely, Cambridgeshire (33km)
Day 10 - May 31, 2026 - Ely to Bedale, Yorkshire (315km)
Day 11 - June 1, 2026 - Bedale, Yorkshire to Druridge bay, Northumberland (139km)
Day 12 - June 2, 2026 - Druridge Bay, Northumberland (0km)
Day 13 - June 3, 2026 - Druridge Bay to Bamburgh Castle, Northumberland (68km)
Day 14 - June 4, 2026 - Bamburgh Castle to York (242km)
I’ll be back next week with the final installment of our camper van escapades.
If you missed days 1 to 7 of our adventure then you can read them here:
We bought a camper van, but are we 'camper van people'? Camper Van Escapades 2026 - Pt I
As some of you know we bought 8on a whim) a two year old motorhome back in the spring of 2025. I know, I know, I keep referring to a camper van when in reality it’s a seven metre long motorhome. I just like the term camper van better and to me it says everything about what it is… If you’re a motorhome aficionado then perhaps it would be advisable to s…
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In case you missed it, I published my book - Hold My Hand: A Journey Back to Life - for FREE here on Substack last year. If you’d like to read it then you can find each chapter by clicking HERE and you’ll go directly to the webpage dedicated to the book.
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Thank you!
Even with the downside of camper van life, I reckon I’d love it. Not sure about seeing people in their undies though. As you know it’s my dream and one day I will do it ! Just gotta find me a driver 😆😆