(It's not) THE END.
Hold My Hand: A Journey Back to Life
If you missed the previous chapters of Hold My Hand: A Journey Back to Life then you click here to find them all - Hold My Hand - The Book. Want to know more about me? Oops! I forgot to introduce myself…
As always - thank you for reading or listening!
It’s THE END.
Well, it sort of is … And it’s not.
Definitely not the end of me writing. Not the end of me being on Substack. Not the end of my mission to continue sharing my story in the hope of helping others.
But it is the end of my ‘book in parts’. Draft 5 of the book is complete - every chapter revised and posted here on Substack. For now I think I’ve made it as good as I can - with help from my early readers (you know who you are and thank you again!) and of course Kim - so it’s time to decide what to do with it next. Put it in a draw. Self-publish. Try to find a publisher. Who knows. We’ll see what 2026 brings.
Whatever happens I’ve loved writing a book - something I’d also promised myself I would do one day. I’ve appreciated (probably more than you can imagine) every like, comment, and restack that I’ve received. And I know many people say it, but I just love the whole Substack community thing.
I have to send a special thank you to Wendy Varley who joined as one of my early subscribers back in March and has been amazing in terms of liking and commenting on so many chapters. Then there’s the lovely Cherry Coombe - finally someone who understood what having sepsis does to you and she’s been kind enough to restack some of my posts. There’s Francis F not only adds great comments, but who was also the first person to add Hold My Hand as one of her Substack recommendations - thank you! And there are so many more people that I could, and probably should, mention from all around the world like Lily Hawthorne ☀️ and a multitude of friends, family, and old colleagues who have supported me.
I went looking for a suitable picture to share with this post got totally distracted. As I looked at photos of myself over the years it got me thinking about how we all evolve. We can’t help it and we certainly can’t stop it. We can embrace change or we can fight it. Getting sick drove my evolution in a certain direction, but relatively the actual time that lasted was such a tiny part of my 58 and a bit years on this planet.
Nothing stays the same for long. However much we want it to. However hard we try to hang on to it. However white your knuckles go. The world keeps turning.
I guess I wrote the book that I wish I could have read early in my recovery. The whole process of writing has given me so much. But I can also recognize that my evolution needs to continue and I can’t allow myself to remain stuck, or even wallow, in what happened almost three years ago.
So I though I’d share a few pictures of how I’ve changed throughout my life. Some you may have seen before, but the captions may well be different. Others I found in my photo archives today. But each says something about the experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today.
Image caption: September 1972 - age 5 - my first day at Eastbury Farm School in Northwood (UK). Those bunches, pig tails to some of you, are currently in evidence again while I’m growing my hair out, but maybe they’re a little less cute on a 58 yr old!
Image caption: 1975 - I’m guessing, but that’s probably around the right year. (Mum - maybe you can correct me?!) And of course Dads favorite pass time i.e. planks stuck on our feet. Can you see why so many people assumed I was a boy when I was a kid?!
Image caption: 2003 - jumping forwards to just days before I left the UK to live in Denmark. The decision was already made, hence the broad smile. I couldn’t leave fast enough. And my first proper (professional) work profile picture. I used it for over a decade!
Image caption: 2005 - back in the UK for a few days and at Silverstone for an amazing ‘Ferrari Experience’ track day. A birthday gift from Mum and Dad. Needless to say I preferred driving the peppy little Lotus Elise (that I spun 360 off the track - oops!) rather than the bag of nails otherwise known as the Ferrari 355. Probably my all time favorite picture of me and Dad. I have a similar one with Mum from that day, but if I post it she will probably come after me. Only joking - maybe …
Image caption: 2007 (23rd December) - ‘that’ picture of when we got engaged at Homewood, overlooking Lake Tahoe (USA), with Dad in miniature in my sunglasses as he takes the picture. Another day where we all had planks strapped to our feet!
Image caption: 2008 (22nd March) - just 3 months after we got engaged. We’d planned to get married in the August of that year, but Kim caught a nasty virus in January that affected his balance and couldn’t even stand up for over a week. It made us ask ourselves ‘why wait’? So we didn’t and arranged the wedding, from soup to nuts, in the space of just two weeks. As we found out at the eleventh hour Kim forgot to confirm the church until it was almost too late!
Image caption: 2015 (August) - me looking windswept at a friends wedding near Glasgow and a (silk) dress with some history. It was from Austin Reed on Regent Street - bought for me by Mum for my Grans funeral well over a decade earlier. As you gather Gran didn’t believe in us wearing black for her final celebration. You can tell that we’re related.
Image caption: 2016 (January) - oh boy, just look at that forced smile. Another ‘corporate’ profile picture taken just a week after I’d started a new job and was wondering what I’d let myself in for! As it turned out - a lot of hours and a hell of a lot of stress. But would I change anything - most definitely not.
Image caption: 2023 (August) - just eight months after I was lying on a ventilator in intensive care I completed one of the toughest challenges of my life - the 2km open water Copenhagen Swim. But FFS - look at those side boobs trying to escape my wetsuit!
Image caption: 2025 (July) - my happy place i.e. in my ‘recording studio’. You can tell from that smile just how much fun I was having recording the voiceovers for each chapter of the book. Imagine if someone let’s me into a real studio one day!
So that’s it folks. For today anyways. I haven’t decided on what my posting schedule will be going forwards so watch this space.
And a quick apology to those that have been enjoying listening to my posts as there’s no voiceover today. It was simply too visual with all the pictures and my sound studio (aka duvet) was busy keeping a friend warm in our guest room! That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it - it might also be due to the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to listen to my own voice echoing from Kim’s office again!
If this post made you feel something then I’d love it if you would click on the heart and add a comment about what resonated for you – it means a lot to me to hear from each of you.
If you would also be kind enough to share it that will help more people find Hold My Hand and learn more about these awful infections. Maybe one day that knowledge will save a life.
Thank you!
If you missed any chapters from the book then you can find them easily by clicking HERE and it will take you directly to the webpage dedicated to the book where you can read or listen to any previous chapters that you might have missed.
Aww I love the photos Jacqui. I love that dress !! Loved reading your posts, harrowing at times, but you got through it , thank god !! Out the other end and enjoying life to the fullest
Jacqui - a laudable project, deeply considered and an essential long-missed account -life as it is lived - validating and therapeutic. A biographical book long needed.
I hope you might meet the people of sepsistrust.org here - and that the team there might support the distribution (Holiday reading for GPs ... )
I hope you'll first find an agent and soon find a publisher
and should that not be your route I am very impressed by Empress Editions and some of the support those such as Jericho Writers offer
Once I published a book as a kindle - it's quite free of charge to publish via Amazon but it can be quite tricky - even impossible - to gain financially from doing so.
Medical Schools might be interested.
And very well done.
A fabulous and inspiring project.
Thank you also for your kind support and for our growing friendship here.
All best
Cherry